I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
