fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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