There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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