My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
