She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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