When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
