i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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