I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
