were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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