I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need a burrito and a hug.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
