so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
