that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
