dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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