How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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