yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
