in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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