the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
