his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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