Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
