Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
