Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
