i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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