i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
