youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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