In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
