Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
