I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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