He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
