That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
