your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
