Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
