i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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