Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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