I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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