New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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