Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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