i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
