My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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