Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
false alarm, still single
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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