ya dads aren't the best wingmen
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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