is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
