i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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