so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
