he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
