Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
