I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
