she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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