i jhust puked up my retainher.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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