im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
