CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
