dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
