I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
