So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
