I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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