In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
false alarm, still single
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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