A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
