whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Randomize
