He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
