Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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