Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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