At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
