if i can run in heels then i can drive
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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