Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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