I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
