If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
